| I NEED YOUR HELP. |
[01 Mar 2009|03:37am] |
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HEY GUYS
I really need your help with something really quick.
My band entered a Battle of the Fans contest. It is really difficult for a SKA band to measure up to the Hardcore/Emo whatever band scene we have here in Vegas. So here is what I need from you. The TOP 7 bands get to play at EXTREME THING 2009. If we could make it, who knows what that could lead to, you know?
All you have to do is go to a website, click on us, and enter your email. They don't send you anything. It's just so they can make sure you're legit. Please, please help me out. Also, if you really REALLY want to help me and my vegas SKA SCENE out, you can vote every day for us.
Here is the link: http://xpozlv.com/helix/members/battleofthebands.php?lS=5
Thank you so much for your help. :)
-Kelsey
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[26 Nov 2007|07:29am] |
hey everyone! haha, i don't know whos still got this name on their friends lists. but i'm lonely over at my new journal and i need your support.
go go go. friend me. i miss ya'll. it's been fucking forever.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) fuckoffscotty
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| newnewnewnewnewnew |
[08 Jan 2007|07:12pm] |
hey everyone! remember me? kelsey? haha.
i got a NEW JOURNAL. i'm adding everyone i know and remember because i'm never on here anymore. but new journal = new shit. i just need to let this one go. i've had it since freshman year and i need some change. i'm going to be writing a lot more and putting up a lot more pictures. so if you want to add me i'll add you back.
holdupmama
holdupmama
holdupmama
holdupmama
bye bye, in__blue. it certainly has been real. hahaha.
holdupmama
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[15 Oct 2006|10:08am] |
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i'm so tired of talking about how i feel because it changes like every day. i'm praying for some consistency with my feelings. eh. i don't know.
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[09 Oct 2006|06:58pm] |
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what do i do to keep deserving this. everytime i feel better i just go right back. i don't know what to think or what to do anymore. feeling better about anything just feels so impossible right now. my mom has no idea what she's talking about. i wish i could just go to sleep forever.
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| alright. finally a semi-happy update? |
[24 Sep 2006|09:59am] |
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things are getting better. sometimes i lose focus on what i have to be focused on, but things are definitely improving. i don't even feel like going through the whole thing because i've explained it over and over to so many people but, i do feel better about things.
life is moving along pretty quickly, i'm just impatient. how long will it be before i never see you again?
didn't try out for the dance team. i'm okay with that. i like watching. my grades are pretty fucking cute right now. i can't check my grade for world lit, which is killing me. because i want to know soo bad. but i know i have an 87 in history, which isn't bad but i need an A. like NEED. i'll raise it with the next quiz. but fuck, these fucking journal questions are fucking killing me right now. i need to start reading. flskjfk. ms burke. i got an 18/20 on the greek root quiz, and thats an A. so hopefully that brought up any horrible-ness i might have. and i need to overdo my native american thing. keep doing what i'm doing in graphics. i'm so proud in that class. i've been getting A's on everything. :D it's such a different feeling from last year. WOO!
anyway. jeff and i are cool again. thank god. he's kind of like my best friend. we talk about everything and he comforts the shit out of me and i can always go to him when i need a hug/shoulder to cry on. it didn't feel good to have him ignore me and be weird with me. i really need him as my friend right now. as support. jeff makes me feel great about myself and he makes me feel like i'm worth something.
but yeah. right now i'm kind of just floating along. still working at joanns. loving it. loving the people and the work and the dicounts. i'm making all my friends pillows and stuff. ahha.
happy new year to my fellow jews. went to temple yesterday and friday. i really loved it. i love the new year services. they make me feel refreshed. anyway. someday i'll update with pictures. because i have like a shitload to show you. alright. bye bye for now. must go read for gov.
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| love is a motive, thats why youre killing him |
[05 Aug 2006|09:02pm] |
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finally feeling better |
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atmosphere - trying to find a balance |
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hi everyone. i'd really like to thank everyone for your support and commenting on the last entry and giving me amazing advice. i really needed it and i appreciate it so much. it helped a lot. at the beginning of this break up, i was a complete wreck. i just thought about him. how i missed him. how i needed him. and you know. i really don't. i don't need him. this whole thing is helping me find myself. i'm learning a lot about myself. i was dependent on jesse. that couldn't have felt good for him. that didn't feel good for me. the last couple months of our relationship was him having a life. and me. sitting at home, working sometimes. always thinking of him. wondering when he was going to call. wondering if he was thinking of me. wondering if he still cared. wondering if he was thinking of other girls. that sucks. i don't know why i wanted to stay with that. i can't think like that. i don't want to stay with someone when i'm not sure if they still love me. i think we've both changed a lot since we got together. it was a new relationship. a high. highs always fade. it did. the relationship weighed on both of us. too much. it wasn't healthy. i don't blame him anymore for calling less. i don't blame him for showing it less. well. i depended on him for everything. i don't blame him for wanting to hang out with other people. people that he didn't have to worry about. people he didn't worry about fighting with. but i do blame him for some things. i blame him for caring less. this whole thing isn't my fault. people change. i'm changing. i feel like shit. but i know that i have to go through this to grow. i know that if i ever want to get back together with him, i can't depend on him. for anything. i have only myself. i remember this one time. i can't remember what my problem was. but i depended on jesse. and my dad wanted to know what was wrong. and i said "nothing." and he says "why do you tell JESSE things and not US." and i said, "because hes there for me. and he comforts me." and he said, "well when jesse is gone. you're not going to have anyone." and you know what? he's right. he is completely fucking right.
that is why when jesse and i broke up, my whole world fell apart. the first couple days of this, i sunk into denile. we had NOT broken up. it was NOT POSSIBLE. HE STILL LOVES ME. I'M THE MOST IMPORTANT TO HIM. HE CAN'T LOVE ANYONE ELSE. IT IS NOT FAIR. i cried and screamed and slammed my door. and the wall. it was one of the only moments i wished i had drugs. i wanted to wash everything away. and i wanted to go back to cutting. it got really close. but i didn't. and not because of jesse. because of me. i don't want to hate myself. i want to love myself. absolutely. right now i know where i am. it's still painful. it still hurts. but i'm not going to think about how i miss him. i'm going to forget about it. my life is not about jesse. my life is about me. what happened to me? i had a good sense of self before jesse. after a while all that mattered was him. that fucking sucks.
i may love jesse, and i will for a long long time. but i love myself a lot more. and i need to care for myself more. i'm going to search my soul. i'm going to paint and read. do things i used to do before i had no life. i'm going to go to lunch with people. everyone. i'm going to have sleepovers. i can't wait to see mayra. i'm looking forward to school now. i don't know whats going to happen with jesse in the future, but at least i know if something ever does happen, it'll be a lot better. i'm not going to be dependent. i'm going to trust him. i'm not going to call him everyday. i'm not going to worry about him and other girls. if he says he loves me and i'm the only one, i'm going to believe him. maybe he stopped telling me because i nagged him about it too much.
this has been a good learning experiance. and i'm finally feeling like i can move on with life. and that feels so amazing. things are looking up.
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[30 Jul 2006|03:40pm] |
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i don't even know what to say or how to say it. jesse and i aren't together anymore. i can't believe it actually happened. i miss him like hell already. and it's only been a day. i wish it was a year and a half ago and i could just relive it over and over. i can't deal with thoughts about it being over. i just want to think about positive things. i wish that he would just hold me and lay with me forever.
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| stirring the thoughts in my head around |
[03 Jul 2006|10:05pm] |
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gdb - holding down |
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today was eventful. woke up at 7:30am and worked out with denise austin on channel 26. she's so bombass. then i went back to sleep at 8:30. woke up. went back to sleep. repeated that until around 12:30. it was nice. i'm dreadly school because i know i'll have to get up and i really don't want to. then my mom came, i drove us to the art store. we looked at all the cool stuff. i looove going to the art store. they have so much shit there. then we went to barnes and noble because i wanted to get a moleskin journal. got there. i bought 2! i love them. i bought one with squares and one with just regular lines. i'm so excited to fill them up. i also got a book on watercolor and a book on cartooning. something i've always been interested to try. i'll try it out tonight.
after barnes and noble, we went to joanns. i saw the chick that i'm going to work with, shayna. she's pretty cool. she has a really soft, nice voice. it makes me feel comfortable and welcomed. she seems very cool. she said she'll help me if i get lost, haha. sweet. then i saw my boss, jackie. for some reason she makes me feel so damn nervous. i really don't know why. i saw her and i approached. i said, "hiii!" in my nice voice and she kinda looked at my for a second like she didn't know me. understandable. i was like, "yeah, i'm coming for the training on thursday!" and then shes like ohhh yeah. lol. great. oh well, she'll get to know me. its all good. i bought a cute pink box for my nothings and some sticky scrapbooking flowers. i'll put those in my moleskin! mm. i'm pretty excited for joanns now. i'm anxious to go on friday. its more of a happy anxious feeling. i just want to get work started. and i can't WAIT to get my little joanns apron. its so cute. i'm going to keep some little pencils and maybe my cell in there.
yeah, i think i'll enjoy it. there are cool girls that work there. anyway. i'm tired. tomorrow i'm not sure whats going down with the stanley party thing. i doubt i'll go. eh, i don't know why he has holiday parties. lol, maybe everyone doesn't always have to be with family? i usually have to be. whatever. we'll see. i think i'm going shopping for work clothes too. not sure. ugh. i keep hearing stupid bitches doing fireworks. why are you doing them a day early? be patient and do them tomorrow. jesus christ. there are some people that are actually trying to sleep. be considerate. assholes.
i got some new paints yesterday. i loooove them. i also experimented with oil paints last night. that is some of the messiest shit ever. it got EVERYwhere and it was a bitch trying to wipe it off the desk. but i absolutely love watercolor, which is what is in the picture. also, doodles from work and school.
oh, and driving is getting much easier. ok goodnight.
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| keep on keepin' on |
[01 Jul 2006|11:59am] |
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jason mraz |
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i just wrote this huge entry about everything that is going wrong. and i just erased it all. because i can't keep thinking like that. why am i always focusing on things that make me sad? if i think about the good things, i'll feel much better. focus on the good. i'm just going to repeat that to myself.
i've been listening to a lot of jason mraz. he's so good. and his lyrics and his music make me feel so relaxed. they make me feel like everything will be okay. if you don't like him, i think you should rethink that. his voice is smooth and calm and soft. i'd love to see him live sometime.
everything intertwining, like a ring around the finger, of a girl, i'm just a singer, youre the world. all i can bring ya, is the language of a lover. bella luna, my beautiful, beautiful moon, how you swoon me like no other.
( my cloud obsession isn't even close to gone. haha. come look. )
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| eek! |
[30 Jun 2006|03:08pm] |
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interview at joannes in an hour! kind of nervous oooooooooohhhh jesus.
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| pretend you don't know me so well, i won't tell if you lie |
[29 Jun 2006|05:20pm] |
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jason mraz - acoustic version of plane |
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this week has ... i don't even know how to describe it. i wish there was a way to zap myself and make everything okay, but that isn't how it works. things take time to get better and it's going to take a while to really change. i mean, i've always noticed that i'm not the most positive person in the world, but i never had a desire or reason to change it. now i'm trying to change desperately because if i don't change, i'm going to lose everything. i feel a lot of pressure. and i feel like if i make one little mistake, it'll all go back to where it was. and if thats the case, it really isn't fair. it's not fair for me. yeah, i've always been like this. from day one, i have. thats why it is going to be so hard to work on changing. it's the first time i've put myself in a hole and i have no one to help me get out. i have to depend on myself entirely, and its new. and its hard. and if i don't even have you behind me, willing to help, how is anything going to change? you need to be strong with me. you have to believe in me.
sometimes i can't help but feel like it's too late to save this. and that i'm kidding myself trying to make it work. because it's all just gone too far. and i have to convince myself that it's not true. i really was starting to be happy. i felt secure and i felt like we were making huge progress. and i was even more proud of myself for getting so far. and he made it come crashing down on me. "but it's only been a couple days." so? those "couple days" were precious to me. i felt like i could trust you again and you were holding me again. and not just holding me because you "should." but because you wanted to. and i'm not positive about one thing and you throw it all back in my face. it's not fair. i know you don't think i'm that strong, but i'm trying so hard for us. for you. you can't doubt me. you just can't.
dania caught travis' mono a couple weeks ago. there are times that i really can't stand my sister, but when she's hurting i just can't stand to watch. i wish i could take all the pain from her and put it on myself because it hurts me to watch her suffer like this. she can hardly breathe. it hurts to swallow, it hurts to talk, it hurts to laugh. i told her that if she needed anything i would get it for her. and i keep asking if theres any way i can help, and she says no. i wish i could do something about it. i hope it goes away soon.
driving! it is getting much easier and i'm getting a lot more comfortable with it. i didn't get honked at today! ahah, for the past couple days, i haven't been able to go around town without being honked at! haha, day one. i like driving a lot. it makes me feel a lot more free. it's also kind of. it relaxes me. on the way to the show, i was driving, and before i got in the car i was thinking about things that kind of stressed me out. and when i started driving, all i focused on was the road.
this morning i went to joannes and gave my application. she said to come in again tomorrow at four. OKAY. yay, finally i'll get something going on that has to do with money. also, mayra came early this morning to pick me up and we went to breakfast with jayjay and larry. it was alright. i'm glad i got to see her. it reminds me of how much fun we used to have. i'm glad we're okay again. it feels very natural and relaxed. i don't really have to worry about mayra being weird with me. and if she is, i'll tell her. it's just always been like that.
damn, i need to stop doing these long ass entries. i wish jesse would call me. he never called over his break. and he should be off by now and he hasn't called. lol, i feel like i spend 80% of my life waiting for jesse to call.
( click click click. )
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| prom surprise |
[08 May 2006|07:26pm] |
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i'm getting annoyed with people being hypocrites. and being dramatic. just shut up. youre 17 years old. there is no use crying everytime something doesn't go your way. you do not have nobody. don't ever say you don't need your family. because you do. you'd be nowhere without them. you should stop be so unappreciative. if you want some attention, here you go. you're getting it. if you want to talk to someone, fucking call them or talk to them in real life. it's really simple picking up a phone. there is nothing stopping you. whatever. pathetic.
away from that. today was mediocre. the only thing spectacular was what happened in the morning. this morning i forgot jesse was bringing my prom surprise. because told me he was asking me today last week, and i forgot. and this morning when he was walking towards me. i didn't see anything in his hands. so i thought. hey wait. wheres the surprise. cause he said it was decently visible. so i'm like. :( did he forget? and i noticed that he was wearing one of his button down shirts with this weird blue color under it. and i'm like. wtf. that does not match whatsoever. and he unbuttons it was he walks and reveals...
THIS!
THE BEST CUTEST AMAZING MOST ADORABLE SHIRT EVER. :D
i smiled for days and days and i hugged him and he smelled good and i took my little sharpie marker and wrote "yes. of course" on his belly and i kissed himmm. it was just the perfect amount of surprise. not too big, not too small. and i could carry it around easily. and it smells like him. and it just made me so happy. i love you jesse. thank you :D he made the question mark out of an "o" and a couple of other letters. he said "it challanged him." i just wanna hug him and squeeze him forever. :D :D :D :D :D
thats all for now. maybe i'll make another post later. byee
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[27 Apr 2006|09:37pm] |
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hi. i'm so tired of thinking and hearing and talking to people about my school bullshit that i'm not even going to even BEGIN to try to explain it here. i'm just going to forget about it. pray to god that tomorrow is a good day, and move on. because if i dwell, then i'll keep balling into my pillow and never do my homework again. i will focus on the good things in this entry and only the good things.
-i finally dyed my hair a couple of different colors and i'm actually happy with it for once. when it first was finished i had a heart attack cause it looked weird. but now i'm used to it and i like the contrast. i like lighter hair on me. it's a nice change and my hair doesn't blend in with my shirts anymore.
-jesse is coming over tomorrow. we will spend time together and hopefully that will go smoothly. i love him so much and i can't bear to think about losing him anymore. it's not going to happen, kelsey. it can't happen. on saturday i will go with him to his aunts house to celebrate his mothers birthday. IT WILL BE FUN. i'm excited to eat mexican food because i haven't had any in a while. all i think about when i think about him now, is that i wish he could be holding me.
-i got this book called, "108 ways to transform a t-shirt" and have successfully made three new cute cute shirts. i'm wearing one tomorrow to school and it'll be cool. i'm excited about that.
-instead of doing a scene in theatre for the next project, this girl sarah and i will be performing, "WHAT IS THIS FEELING" from the musical, WICKED. and i'm fucking s-t-o-a-k-e-d. SHIT.
alright. okay i feel better. wow. focusing on good things can help. heres a picture of me.
bye.
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[16 Nov 2005|04:14pm] |
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 heyyyyyyyyyyyy. blah. i feel blah. today was blah. lmao. theatre: fun. we did one minute movies. where we get into groups, pick a movie, and act it out in one minute. my group won on the timing. haha. we did cinderella. it was funnn. uhmm graphics was like being in hell. i worked the whole period on doing my fucking iSanta for my ipod ad. then i bring it up to him and he tells me i can't do it because it's not original. THANKS FOR TELLING ME AT SUCH A GOOD TIME WHEN YOU KNOW I WAS GOING TO DO IT. he fucking went around and looked at all our shit and didn't even care to mention that what i was doing was wrong. i was so pissed. i started crying when i got out of class because i had no idea what the fuck i was going to do. it's so hard to make rough drafts look good when you only have an hour to do it. especially when you have no idea what the FUCK youre going to do. but so. i thought of an idea at lunch and spent the second block class doing it. quickly. sorry to anyone i might've offended in my pissed off state. jesse called me and told me he talked to thomas and thomas said i gave him a dirty look. and i was like WTF? and then i remembered i probably did when i was all pissed off and about to burst into tears like a fountain. lmao. sorry thomas. :( it totally wasn't directed towards you. sdkfjslf i feel bad.
so. so much for going on a fucking diet. i'm disgusting. i don't know what happened to my diet attitude. for about two weeks it was awesome. ate little. lost weight. then it like, stopped for some reason. i don't even know why. but i have to get there again. i don't know how i'm going to get there. but i have to. i need some "thinspiration." haha. just to get me not feeling like a fucking elephant again. i don't know. homecoming is in two days and i feel huge. i need to shrink. UGH. fight the temptation. it was working for a while. what happened? ugh.
now i need to go work on my homework. i got my report card today. two C's. FUCK THAT. i need to do better. better better better. i NEED TO DO BETTER. the only see i will accept a C in is trig. because trig is fucking stupid. STUDY/HOMEWORK I NEED TO DO. BYE.
( one picture. )
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[14 Jan 2004|03:20pm] |
I DON'T BITE.
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contemplative
